Happy Halloween, Dorkazoid!
by Tangled Web
Summary: One shot. A couple of kids come up to ask for candy from the Rated R superstar.


**Author's Note **- I really, really miss Edge. Hope everyone enjoys a holiday story and a very Happy Early Halloween.

* * *

There was a repetitive laughter between the children as they walked up to the dim lit porch. Each one excited for their next shipment of candy into their basket.

"Okay, you guys have to be real quiet now." An older child said. The children shared a quick giggle before silencing, watching him as he placed his finger on the doorbell and ringing it.

The children all paused, patient as they waited for the person to appear with the usual bucket of candy. The person however didn't acknowledge the ring and did not appear at the front door.

After a couple minutes, the older child rang the doorbell again. The same result happened with a no show.

"Where's the candy?" a young girl asked.

The older child sighed, "I guess I'll ring it again."

The older child then pressed the glowing button as he heard the familiar jingle in the background of the house.

There was a loud groan in annoyance from the inside as the string of curses began to come closer and closer to the front door.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT?!!" Edge screamed.

"Trick or Treat!"

"Ugh! You guys decide to bother me on my night off from kicking so much ass?!"

"It's Halloween!" the kids replied in unison.

"Don't you kids know the rule of trick or treating at all? Obviously the front porch light isn't on! No light, no candy!"

"But it is on," one kid replied as he pointed towards the small amount of light coming from the side of the door. Edge arched a brow in question before looking quickly to notice that the light bulb was indeed on.

"Shut up kid!" Edge retorted before turning his heel to grab whatever he could to give to them. Obviously he wasn't prepared for such a holiday and he definitely was not expecting a bunch of kids to show up on his front door. He even remembered specifically to turn off the porch light after returning home later than usual from getting a bite to eat… at least he thought that he turned it off.

"AH HELL!" the kids heard him cry as well as the many muttering of other obscenities until he came back to the front door with a box in hand.

"Soda?" One girl questioned.

"Hey, take it or leave it dorkchop. I don't have to give you anything. But since the Rated R superstar is feeling a tad bit generous, I guess I can make an exception." He replied.

"But I came here for candy."

"Does it look like I want to listen to your sob story? Do you want soda or not?!"

"But…but my parents won't let me drink soda." One child said.

"Yet your parents allow you to receive candy – which just has as much sugar as a can of soda - from total strangers… Stupid idiots. I should spear your parents for being that dumb."

"What flavor of soda is it?"

"Why do you care?! It's soda for God's sake. It's fucking delicious and that's all it matters!"

"Is it cold?"

"Will you just get a damn soda so you can go away without pestering me?!!"

The kids shrugged before opening their bags.

"So, who's first?" the Canadian asked as the smallest of the kid of the group kid walked up to him.

Edge managed a fake laugh, "Well look at you…"

"I'm Batman! Isn't he the coolest? I want to be like him someday!" the kid said happily as he waved his cape behind him.

"I'm Batman!" Edge repeated sarcastically, "Well NEWS FLASH kid!"

The kid stared at him confused.

"Batman doesn't exist. And when you grow up you're gonna realize that all superheroes are fake. And let's face it the bad guys always win and they're way cooler! You won't have super powers and you won't get all the hot chicks like I do. In fact, Batman doesn't even have superpowers. Which is why Batman sucks in the first place!!"

The kid then stood there speechless before Edge managed to place a can of orange soda into his bag.

"NEXT!"

Another kid came up to him afterwards. The little girl gave him a small smile.

"What are you smilin' about pixie?"

The young girl looked upset, "I'm a fairy."

"Pixie, Fairy, really ugly butterfly. What difference does it make? NEXT!" he said as he dropped another can of soda into her bucket.

"You're mean!" another kid said as he came up to him.

"And you're a total chumpstain! NEXT!"

It was finally the moment when the eldest child then went up to him with confidence.

"You're kidding me right?" Edge said as he gave a chuckle, staring at the kid up and down.

The older child was holding a fake WWE championship belt. Along with the usual cap, camouflage shorts, and a John Cena t-shirt.

"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!" the kid yelled as he waved his hand in front of his face.

"Riiiiiighhhhhhttt…" Edge said, rolling his eyes. Before he managed to put the soda into the kid's bag, however, Edge withdrew and took the soda back. Staring at the kid's little eyes.

"By the way kid, I can see you alright. How dare you even decide to step foot on MY porch! And not only do you look like a total failure turtle, but the fact that you even decided to dress up as John Cena – who has never been a King of the Ring, who isn't even a nine time world champion, and a person who can't even measure up to how frickin' awesome I am - makes you not worthy of this soda! A soda that has been deemed just too awesome for your own good! You don't deserve it! Just like how Cena didn't deserve any of those title reigns! I am not gonna waste a perfectly good soda just to give to a little shitlin like you."

"What?!" the kid whined.

"Are you deaf kid?!"

"You're just mad because John Cena is better than you!"

"And you're just mad because you can't get this amazing soda from ME… the RATED R SUPERSTAR!"

"Give me the soda!"

"No!"

"Give me the soda!"

"NO! IT'S MINE!"

"You suck!"

"You're WRONG kid! WRONG! WRONG! WRONG!"

The older kid then managed to kick Edge in the shin. As Edge yelped in pain, he dropped the orange soda in the process. The older kid gaining the upper hand as he managed to steal the canned beverage.

"C'mon!" he said as the group of kids began to run away in the process.

"You little dipshit!" Edge managed to say before he began an attempt to chase the little kid down.

And Edge finally made the conclusion that he extremely hated this holiday now. Especially since the kid got the last can of his soda and in his point of view, sodas totally ruled.

**END**


End file.
